The smallest trigger can bring it back. This particular time, the sound of sticky pages was the cause as I attempted to leaf through an ancient volume that’s been sitting too close to the window. It's a common result of humidity. I found myself hesitating for a long moment, pulling the pages apart one at a time, and his name simply manifested again, quiet and unbidden.
There is something enigmatic about figures of such respect. One rarely encounters them in a direct sense. Or maybe you see them, but only from a distance, filtered through stories, recollections, half-remembered quotes which are difficult to attribute exactly. When I think of Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, he is defined by his absences. Without grandiosity, without speed, and without the need for clarification. These very voids speak more eloquently than any speech.
I remember once asking someone about him. It wasn't a direct or official inquiry. Just a lighthearted question, much like an observation of the sky. The individual inclined their head, gave a slight smile, and replied “Ah, Sayadaw… always so steady.” That was it. No elaboration. Initially, I experienced a touch of letdown. Now, I recognize the perfection in that brief response.
It’s mid-afternoon where I am. The day is filled with a muted, unexceptional light. I have chosen to sit on the ground rather than the seat, without a specific motive. Maybe I am testing a new type of physical strain today. I keep pondering the idea of being steady and the rarity of that quality. Wisdom is a frequent topic of discussion, yet steadiness seems more difficult to achieve. It is easy to admire wisdom from a distance. Steadiness requires a presence that is maintained day in and day out.
Throughout his years, Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw endured vast shifts Political upheavals, societal transitions, and cycles of erosion and renewal that has come to represent modern Burmese history. And still, when he is the subject of conversation, people don't dwell on his beliefs or stances. Instead, they highlight his unwavering nature. It was as though he remained a stable anchor while the world shifted around him. It is difficult to understand how one can maintain that state without turning stiff. Achieving that equilibrium seems nearly unachievable.
I find myself mentally revisiting read more a brief instant, though I can’t even be sure it really happened the way I remember it. An image of a monk arranging his robes with great deliberation, with the air of someone who had no other destination in mind. It might have been another individual, not Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw. The mind often fuses different individuals in memory. Nonetheless, the impression remained. The feeling of being unburdened by the demands of society.
I find myself questioning the personal toll of being such an individual. Not in a theatrical way, but in the subtle daily price. Those silent concessions that are invisible to the external observer. Forgoing interactions that might have taken place. Permitting errors in perception to remain. Allowing others to project whatever they need onto you. I am unsure if he ever contemplated these issues. It could be that he didn't, and that may be the very heart of it.
There is a layer of dust on my hands from the paper. I brush it off absentmindedly. Writing this feels slightly unnecessary, and I mean that in a good way. There is no requirement for every thought to be practical. Sometimes, the simple act of acknowledgement is enough. that some lives leave a deep impression. without ever trying to explain themselves. Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw feels like that to me. A presence to be felt rather than comprehended, perhaps by design.